In many people, I have known, including some of my clients, colleagues (and even myself at times) – it can be an easy trap to bounce from extremes of “Low-Confidence” right through to “Arrogance”.
That is, when one has a low view of themselves, they eat away their energy and motivation through always putting themselves down (be it out loud, or just through their own internal dialogue). After reaching a real low in themselves, they then go and buy something or “Puff” themselves up to convince themselves into being “Confident”.
In watching such swings, unfortunately the “Confidence” may turn into “Arrogance” which is no fun for anyone!
The poor person who felt bad, “Puffs” themself up, then because people think they are “Arrogant” they get treated differently and then they slide back where they were – hence the cycle repeats itself.
In my own youth I did this quite a bit and it wasn’t till much later that I learnt (firstly the hard way then formally) that when we have a “Poor View” of ourselves and a very low Self-Worth – it’s very easy to enter this “Low Confidence / Arrogance” type of swing.
In some of the great people I work with, when you hear them pour out their soul to you -I sometimes almost tear up in terms of feeling how much they either put themselves down or devalue themselves all the time. That is, regardless of what they achieve, what they do for their families, how hard they work – they are so used to beating themselves up – they instinctively:
– Say bad things to themselves.
– Like All the Time.
Going into what I cover in my previous posts, when one has low self-esteem (or self-value), you are “Ripe for the Picking” by Cults, dodgy MLM Schemes or anything out there with people that intentionally prey on people with low Self-Esteem
Then ironically, when the person with low Self-Esteem is sucked into these environments, they may become “Arrogant” and do an extremely great job of then preying on other people and so forth.
So is being “Arrogant” better than having “Low-Confidence” – well, I don’t think they are opposing in that many of the so called “Arrogant” people I know have big big issues with their Confidence and Self Esteem (whether they admit it or not). A good cliche example is the “Napoleon Syndrome”.
What I have found is that when we start “Actually Valuing” ourselves and start catching ourselves for doing the right thing – it starts to build our our Self Confidence / Esteem in positive way. It makes us feel better, improves performance and even more – we don’t end up becoming arrogant. This is where too much “Positive Thinking” can get you into a lot of trouble!
In fact, my own personal definition of “Arrogance” is:
– The End Result of trying poorly to “Cover Up” low Self Esteem.
I wish I learnt this one 20 years ago!
[Edward’s Comment some years later – I have seen so many arrogant people and humble people make way more money. It’s a great thing to watch, the right people succeeding in their own Small Businesses through integrity, skill and honest Sales & Marketing Practices!]