Action: Feels Bad, But is Good For Us?

We always have to earn the good things in life!

I have seen some absolutely brilliant, talented, intelligent and Good-Natured People fail in their Careers and Business.  I have then seen “Average” people really succeed beyond their wildest dreams and achieve amazing things in their businesses!

There are often quite a few reasons, but what it often comes down too is how much people can handle doing things “They Don’t want to Do”.  I know this sounds obvious – but let’s face it, if we want to achieve something in our lives – then quite often we have to do things that may “Hurt” but is good for us!

One time I was unemployed for a while (before I had a Business).  Any logical person would know that the solution to being unemployed would be to get a job.  However, if any of you have had trouble finding a job – it can take a lot of work and be a very painful process!

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, YES!

The trick is that the Rejection and Pain is part of the process and it can really hurt, but it is good for us! Even in our own businesses as well – dealing with rejection is a key part of it (be it from banks, to clients to suppliers) and the NO, NO, NO, YES process is very common!

Also as well, even though the “NO’s” may hurt at the start, as we get better – the NO’s lose their intensity and become part of the process.

The other common example is running 10km, it can be completely inconceivable at the start, but after lots of training – it can become fairly standard and even quite enjoyable!

Where extreme Positive Thinking goes wrong is that it tries to get us to “Distort” what reality means so that we don’t actually accept that stuff hurts and we pretend it’s all easy when it’s really not.

The trick is to accept that when we embark on something new, it is going to be unfamiliar and many of the actions will “Feel Bad, But be Good For us”.

However, if we stick to it – it will start to “Feel Good” and hence we get the results we want in a fun manner!

So if you are doing lots of things right now that “Feel Bad”, but are “Good for you” well done! Make sure you avoid those dangerous “Feel Good, but are Bad for You” items! (Awful Vices and Addictions!).

Boy I wish I learnt this 20 years ago!

Success: Turning Up 1 Time More after Everyone Quits!

Learning to Overcome Rejection - Oww, it hurt's about here?

Learning to Overcome Rejection – Oww, it hurt’s about here?

To me this is a very profound concept. In not just my own Small Business, but when I used to Job Hunt – I really learnt how hard the “Real World” can actually be.  My great Mother (God Bless Her) is an amazing woman and Ex-Inspector in the Police Force. She was beaten up for years by an Abusive Father (alcoholic you name it!), fought with the UN (in Peace Keeping Operators and had fought in real gun battles) and seen lots of people die in front of her.

This realism gave her a great grounding in the respect that she used to tell me “The World is a Tough Place”, “It’s Hard” and Success if often turning up 1 time more after everyone else quits.

If anything, I have learnt that I should have listened to my mother more often! But oh no, her comes all the “Positive Thinkers” out of the woodwork. They come along, hype you up and make out with their tools or a “Simple, Dog-Easy to Follow Strategy” you can make $1,000,000 / Min without leaving the house.

You and I are intelligent people. You and I know that they are probably one of two things:

– Lying to rip you off, show off, or take advantage of you.
– Have had Mummy & Daddy pay for everything and have had a sheltered life.

In my experience, it’s usually about 60% / 40% – or a combination of both. The reality is that the “Pain / Avoidance of Rejection” kills many Small Businesses and prevents many of us getting the Promotions in our Careers that we deserve.

My mum always said you got to take the pain. You got to stick at it. You got to survive the longest. It’s such a true lesson, the people who often succeed aren’t the “Smarter” ones or the “Better Looking” ones, it’s the ones that stick at it beyond everyone else that quits.

So why do we ignore mums advice? Because it’s painful! In our own business, we get so much rejection. And it’s tough! But once you get over the fact that it’s “Tough” and enjoy the process, the “Law of Averages” kick in.

If you only meet 1 person a day and get rejected – it’s soul crushing! If you meet 10 people a day and get rejected 8 times – it’s great! (Because you have 2 wins!). I know it can suck at times. I know it can feel really bad when you get rejected.

But when you avoid rejection, you are avoiding the possibility of growing your business, getting that dream job – or even finding a partner! My advice to you – EMBRACE REJECTION! It’s not easy at the start, but I can promise you – each day you do it, it becomes that bit easier. And to all you lying “Positive Thinkers” out there – grow up! Treat others and yourself with honesty and respect!

Boy – I wish I learnt this 20 years ago!

Arrogance is Way Better than Low-Confidence, Right?

I’m Not Arrogant – You are Just Inferior to Me!

In many people, I have known, including some of my clients, colleagues (and even myself at times) – it can be an easy trap to bounce from extremes of “Low-Confidence” right through to “Arrogance”.

That is, when one has a low view of themselves, they eat away their energy and motivation through always putting themselves down (be it out loud, or just through their own internal dialogue).  After reaching a real low in themselves, they then go and buy something or “Puff” themselves up to convince themselves into being “Confident”.

In watching such swings, unfortunately the “Confidence” may turn into “Arrogance” which is no fun for anyone!

The poor person who felt bad, “Puffs” themself up, then because people think they are “Arrogant” they get treated differently and then they slide back where they were – hence the cycle repeats itself.

In my own youth I did this quite a bit and it wasn’t till much later that I learnt (firstly the hard way then formally) that when we have a “Poor View” of ourselves and a very low Self-Worth – it’s very easy to enter this “Low Confidence / Arrogance” type of swing.

In some of the great people I work with, when you hear them pour out their soul to you -I sometimes almost tear up in terms of feeling how much they either put themselves down or devalue themselves all the time.  That is, regardless of what they achieve, what they do for their families, how hard they work – they are so used to beating themselves up – they instinctively:

– Say bad things to themselves.

– Like All the Time.

Going into what I cover in my previous posts, when one has low self-esteem (or self-value), you are “Ripe for the Picking” by Cults, dodgy MLM Schemes or anything out there with people that intentionally prey on people with low Self-Esteem

Then ironically, when the person with low Self-Esteem is sucked into these environments, they may become “Arrogant” and do an extremely great job of then preying on other people and so forth.

So is being “Arrogant” better than having “Low-Confidence” – well, I don’t think they are opposing in that many of the so called “Arrogant” people I know have big big issues with their Confidence and Self Esteem (whether they admit it or not).  A good cliche example is the “Napoleon Syndrome”.

What I have found is that when we start “Actually Valuing” ourselves and start catching ourselves for doing the right thing – it starts to build our our Self Confidence / Esteem in positive way.  It makes us feel better, improves performance and even more – we don’t end up becoming arrogant.  This is where too much “Positive Thinking” can get you into a lot of trouble!

In fact, my own personal definition of “Arrogance” is:

– The End Result of trying poorly to “Cover Up” low Self Esteem.

I wish I learnt this one 20 years ago!

[Edward’s Comment some years later – I have seen so many arrogant people and humble people make way more money.  It’s a great thing to watch, the right people succeeding in their own Small Businesses through integrity, skill and honest Sales & Marketing Practices!]

The Unfair World We Live In – Not Letting it Get to You?

One thing, that I have honestly struggled with over the past year is the world we live in. It’s not a very fair place – and being a Christian myself I have pondered again and again the time old question of:

If there is a God, then why do bad things happen?
Now, before you think “Oh No, this is one of Those Preachy Blogs and Ed’s Going to Preach to Me” I just want to make it clear that that is not my intent and I respect whatever God or No God you choose to believe in. Thanks to Mel B from Flickr for the angry kitty pic.

Now, putting that aside – this has been doing my brain in! For example:

– Why does someone genuine like Michael J. Fox suffer from Parkinson’s?
– Why do children starve in 3rd world countries, who have never done anything wrong?
– Why do “Good People” suffer?
Then, this bit fries my brain:

– Why does Paris Hilton do no work and have lots of money?
– Why do some people have rich parents and don’t have to work like me?
– Why does Nicolas Cage still get work and star in movies?

These above questions which have been bugging me, I bet have bugged man since at least 5,000BC. But I finally figured out the answers to this question:

No one really knows. The people that “Say They Know” probably don’t.

You have to control your focus. That is, you can never figure this out and you will go mad in the process.
If anyone does find out this answer, they will probably know the meaning of life – which means if you have, please let me know 🙂

This article leads to another lesson I think, which is that it’s critical to “Choose your Focus” wisely. What do I mean by that? Well, you can for example focus on:

– How unfair the world is?
– How rude people are?
– The fact you are alone right now.
– The fact you haven’t achieved what you want in life right now.

Or alternatively, you can focus on:

– What you need to do to improve your own situation.
– Who you care for and vice versa.
– Jumping on Facebook and saying hello to your friends.
– Focusing on what you can do now to improve your situation.

I am not saying “Be Positive” and ignore problems around you – I am just saying that sometimes we can focus on “No Win” situations that will just send you mad.

Here’s to not going mad! 🙂