I have been working with some amazing people lately and this blog post I want to dedicate to two people, one of my old friends Theepan (who is now a big manager at the RTA “Sydney’s Road and Transit Authority) and this great man I met by the name of Luke Goodman – a rising mortgage broker based in Sydney. I also want to mention my mum! Tiani who was there for me, when the cards were down too! I feel that these people are kindred spirits and can relate for sure!
I am 34 years old (turning 35 in June) and when I was about 28, I totally stuffed up my life and lost everything. I was lucky not to be in any legal trouble and I kept my health which is good – but from a social, financial and career perspective I lost everything that I previous took for granted.
Like many it was around GFC time and as much as I want to blame it on an external event, it was my fault. I grew up in the “milk and honey” days were the economies were growing and anyone could make money. It gave me that “wealth creation / seminar / happy clappy / retarded” mindset that I can make millions in moments and I was spending money left right and centre on luxuries, bogus get rich quick schemes and luxuries that a man in his 20’s should not be buying.
Even though I was a Christian, quit drinking (which I had some massive issues with) and I donated to the poor – I won’t lie to you, I had a sense of arrogance and would frequently put myself above others all the time.
Then I wasted tens of thousands on failed business ventures, stuffed up some relationships with fantastic women (one a long term one), quit my job only to move interstate and lose my own social network. The GFC was at it’s peak then and I lacked necessary business skills then and I could get work!
I went from $120,000+ salaries to nothing – eventually found a job selling health goods in shopping malls for a measley $15 / hour.
If you know a bit about psychology, some of the pillars talk about “death” or “emotional ending”. What this means is that throughout our lives, events (be it positive or negative) hit us which ends the person we are. Positive examples can be having a child, a big promotion, getting a license or even making a big decision.
Negative examples are probably more common, divorce, death, injuries, sickness and the most common cliche is finding out as a child that “Santa Claus isn’t real”.
It’s basically an experience where your old self is gone and in the negative case, “from ashes” the new shall rise.
My own arrogance, stupidity and laziness got the better of me which led to my destruction. I got in a big trap of depression for a few months and to get me through the hard times, I actually turned to the Bible! Ha, what a religious nut I am – but it helped me survive and I have nothing but JC to thank for that one!
What losing everything and not being able to get that old job again like the old days taught me was to get over myself and get back on my feet. I got some work that was rubbish compared to my 20’s peak which tied me over, but what I started appreciating was good friends.
The big thing I realized is the whole “from ashes” theme – I took me a while to accept it, but using a I suppose “city / nuclear war” analogy, my whole “planet” as I knew it was destroyed. I had suffered many old times blues, but after a while (maybe about 3 – 6 months) I accepted that the old times were gone.
Continuing the nuclear war analogy, it was about pulling together what I had left and working out what to do next. At the time and looking back, I coined it the “from ashes” part of my life. To be frank, it was hard looking back there but as I am now “successful” business wise – I can reopen that book and not shudder at the horrors written on the pages.
Getting back on track was about me accepting my old planet was destroyed and with what I had left – rebuilding something new. What I found amazing from this experience was this:
– Without destroying the old, I could not rebuild the new!
That is, my old-self HAD TO DIE. My old self wasn’t allowing me to experience the success I am lucky to enjoy now. I am going to write much more about “from ashes” in coming posts, but I just wanted to say if you have stuffed up your life like I have – or you are in the process of it, please go easy on yourself! You stuffed it up and you can un-stuff it up! Just have faith, work ahead and pull together what you have left and figure out how to get back on track.
I am working with some amazing clients and people who are divorcing or have divorced and many are an example the human spirit. In some cases, they have no money, their children are taken, and they pay child support to a scenario where the other half is loaded! The reverse is true, they are getting child support, but say the ex-husband is terrorizing them as much as “legally” possible.
I hope I never do experience that type of pain, but I can relate – they are truly great people who are really coming “from Aahes” and trying to re-take / re-build what they lost.
If you are doing it tough – I can relate! If I know you and we have spoken great, but if we don’t know each other and may never meet I just want to say this to you:
– I care for you whoever you are! I hope you are okay and please have faith and hang on! Life get’s tough sometimes, but you are tougher!