Archives February 2011

Why are “Bad People” always trying to Silence and Control Us?

Doesn't it suck when people always control what you say?

Doesn’t it suck when people try to silence you?

All my life I have compromised. Given in. “Moulded my Beliefs” to fit in.  Tried hard to be accepted.

Where do it get you? It makes you “Biege” and colourless.  Completely lifeless and of course easily ignorable.  It makes you a “Boring” nice person.  I find it if you also don’t know what you stand for, it’s really easy to get manipulated and sucked into someone’s else’s plan (that is rarely for your own interests).

This has been a key revelation to me lately in that, why am I trying so hard to fit in? Why can’t I just be myself and let people either “Love Me” or “Hate Me”?  I used to get really angry and then I started to look in the mirror.

I had some really messed up beliefs and views that said:

– Because I am not perfect,

– Because something is wrong with me,

– People have to like me,

– Because if they don’t,

It means I am wrong and bad.

Pretty “Positive Thinking” stuff huh? Great stuff to hear from a Business & Mindset Coach! Well it’s true.  I am not going to BS anyone and pretend that I am the best thing “Since Kevin Rudd & Sliced Bread” as I have really had some hugely limiting stuff in my mind which have really stopped me getting my life on track.  Many “Positive Thinkers” lie to us pretending they are larger than life!

It’s been funny lately, I have spoken to lots of clients and people – and believe it or not, this type of thing is a lot more common than I originally gave credit for.  I used to blame myself and think something was “Wrong with me”, but there are so many of us out there which have been:

– Brainwashed by Bad People and Society into thinking as such – so we can be more easily controlled and manipulated.

I thought about it logically – this actually makes perfect sense if you want to control people (and I mean control in the typical “Autocratic” sense).  If you suck everyone into thinking they are “inadequate” and there is “something wrong with them”, they are more likely to listen to the “So Called Experts” who really just want to control everyone for their own personal gain.

I once had this very Ex-Girlfriend.   Now, before I write this section – please don’t think I am bagging her.  It’s actually completely my fault as I chose to behave as I did.  She used to have very Leftist Political Views (compared to my natural Centre-Right Pro-Liberal type of views) and I would let her views overtake mine because “My opinion didn’t matter” and there was “Something wrong with me”.

When I cleared this junk out of my head, my “Revelation” hit in that:

– Choosing to sit in the middle and have “No Opinion” is an opinion.

That is, my logic was “I need to keep everyone happy so they like me”.  Well guess what! People don’t because your a push over and your weak and all that.

So if I just “Fly My Flag” and let people choose to Love or Hate me – this feels much better.  At the very least I am being myself and not letting other people’s opinions control me!  I am sick and tired of “Bad People” out there, that just want to control us and want us to keep our views to ourselves.

Speak Up I say! It will give these “Bad People” a run for their money.

Time Wasters: Are they Worse than Slimy Pick Pockets?

They are at least at a similar level?

This week, I have had some people really waste lots of my time for their own personal agenda.  Some of these people have been quite rude and selfish and focused simply on their own needs.

Since I have been visiting Networking Sessions and working ahead, I have found them to contain a great mix of people – including some people from Multi-Level-Marketers and rude people just using me for “Free Advice”.

Now don’t get me wrong, please don’t think I am being precious or anything like that – or rude just trying to take people’s money.  I really enjoy meeting new people, sharing what I know and socializing with other like-minded people.

What I am referring to are people who:

– Are rude, aggressive time wasters, that are either after what’s in your wallet or want to pump you for information and aren’t nice about it.

Last week or so, I met this “Very Nice Guy” who then called me on a late Friday asking to meet up in relation to a great “Cash Flow Business Opportunity”.  If you read my last blog, this person wouldn’t say exactly where they are from (although it looks like a very common MLM scheme that I bet you have heard about).

When I replied to this person, I simply asked them to explain what it’s about, so I can decide whether it’s me worth visiting so we don’t waste each others time.  When I did this, check out or emails below:

Ed’s Email to Clarify:

Hi [Disrespectful Time Waster],

Many thanks for that.  I can make 6PM Thursday, however I was thinking things through and I just wanted to find out a bit more about what you are talking about.

I am actually quite flat out with my own business and you mentioned this was another business opportunity? I am a bit wary of going there to waste your time, could you just let me know a bit more of what it is about? It would be great to catch up, however I don’t want you to waste your time in the case I am not a suitable target for what you are after.

Let me know & thanks.

Ed Zia

Disrespectful Time Wasters Reply:

Hey Edward,

Apologies it has taken a while to get back to you. It been pretty busy this week as I am sure your week has been too! I completely understand that you are busy with your business, in fact most of the people I work with either are flatout running their own business or have demanding corporate jobs.

I know that that was one of my concerns when I first saw this. What I found however is that what we are working on is very leveraged in terms of time so that ended up not really an issue for me anymore. All we do is help people create annuity style income, outside of their job or business so they have another income source. You can use that for what you like, some use it to bank role their existing business, some as a plan B income should their industry decline, whatever takes your fancy. Similar to someone who invests in property or shares to create an annuity income however we do it much faster through business. Most people, no matter how busy they are in their job or business usually have time to invest in property or shares. As I mentioned when I was on the phone, we are not looking for people with a lot of time, just looking for people with the right attitude. Its only going to be a quick coffee so we can get to know each other a bit better, we can both ask questions of each other and after that, if suitable I’ll step into some detail about the different partners we have on board and how that fits into the picture.

At the end of that, you can tell me whether you think you have an interest as to whether or not to pursue it any further, either way, it will be time well invested. I can see that there is a Gloria Jeans in the Ashfield Mall which would be easy to get to. Unless you have another suggestion, why don’t we meet there at 6pm for 30 min or so?

[Signed – Someone who has no respect for other people]

What really baked my Korean Noodles about this was that, over the phone I tried to ask, then over email I tried asking and this is the treatment I got.  In fact, I am fairly confident which Multi-Level-Marketing company this person comes from, as over 12 years ago – I got sucked into one of their seminars.

They actually train you to mislead people and not tell you the name of their company – so you can con them into a meeting, give them the fully cloud treatment and take their money!  “Positive Thinking” used by “Positive Thinkers” designed to get into your hip pocket! (and obviously empty it out).

Well, after thinking this through – I think it’s an extremely bad way of disrespecting someone.  There are only so many hours in the day, we have businesses, jobs and families to look after (let alone ourselves) and you get people going around town doing this to other people.

There are some really great people in this world, however there are some real “Slime-Balls” as well that just don’t care about other people at all. In fact, if someone steals 4 hours of your life by dragging you to a seminar unwittingly – you are not getting those 4 hours back.  How is that different to someone stealing $20 from your pocket? I have learnt when one get’s busy, every minute counts – so make sure these “Time Muggers” don’t get you!

I wish I learnt this one 20 years ago!

Money Making Schemes: Do I look like a Sucker?

If they make so much damn money, then why doesn’t everyone do it?

“Multi-Level  Marketing”, “Fantastic Money Making Opportunities”, “Income from Home”, “Make some dollars on the side” and even the good old “Pyramid-Schemes”.

I have had the unique pleasure of having pitched to me. Lots of people with the way of “Reaching their Dreams” really giving me the hard sell with that desire just to “Take my Money” and run. Now before you think “Oh No, Ed is now attacking MLM”, I am actually not.

I have had quite a few friends with very reputable MLM products such as Nutrimetics or Herbal-Life (which at least to me seem quite decent).  I am attacking the unethical practice of selling in which:

– They don’t tell you straight up what it is.

– They con you into a “Secretive” Meeting, suck you into the dream and then try and hit you up.

This really upsets me and I have been sucked into this several times.  In fact, I even got dragged along to a “Very American”, “Motivational Night” whereby they even told us:

– Never tell new people you are from our company. Tell them you have a great means of “Making a few bucks”. If they ask if you are from our company, just evade the question.

Very misleading and unethical! These companies have no respect for people’s time whatsoever and the whole approach is to sucker people into a meeting, use a bunch of fake techniques to “Build Rapport”, suck them into a dream of Financial Freedom / Fluffy Clouds, hit them with the signup and ask for their money.  “Positive Thinkers” using “Positive Thinking” to lie to you and manipulate you! Not Very nice!

I had a person recently try the same BS on me.  Late on a Friday afternoon (which totally thrilled me), they ring me up – and say “Hey are you interested in a great business opportunity?”.  I actually am not, as I am flat out right now – but I said “Oh Yeah?”.  I then just asked “What is this about?”.  The reply was “Well, I can’t really tell you over the phone”.  They then fed me a line about “Wanting to get to know me and such”.

What do you mean you can’t tell me over the phone? Are the Federal Police listening in? The CIA tracking you? ASIO got a shadow on you? The person then tried to tie me into a meeting and my intuition said “No Way” so I politely said I will get back to them. Then, I sent them an email asking the straight question – sure I am interested, but firstly “What is this about?”.  And you guessed it, no answer.

How does this make one feel or react? It’s a very sullen experience when someone tries to lure you to a meeting, but then acts in a secretive way as to what it is about.  Besides not being very nice, it really lowers my credibility and respect for this person.  Why don’t they just say:

– Hi, my name is Claire and I am from [X Company] and it’s really cool and I think you may like it. I would like to buy you a cup of coffee to present it to you?

Instead of this “Super Clever”, “Manipulative” approach, perhaps just an upfront question? I really think these days people are a lot smarter than they were 20 years ago and the fact some companies are still running like this tells me they are really out of touch! Man, I have been really sucked into these things a few times – you got to keep an eye on your wallet in this crazy world.  Everyone wants a piece of it!

Why is it so Easy to Manipulate “Good Honest People”?

You’re Not Getting My Cake Naughty Kitty!

Great Guys with Bad Girls, Great Girls with Bad Guys, the Honest Friend and the Lying Friend – our society is filled with tons of examples of the “Good-Natured” person being taken for a ride or taken advantage of by the “Not-so-Good Natured” person for their own personal gain.

Depending on whether you know me or not (let alone agree with the next statement), I have considered myself a “Nice Person”.  I am certainly not perfect by any means, but I consider myself fairly Good-Natured, Helpful and the like.

I also have a range of friends which some are really really Good-Natured and Nice people – in fact, much more than little old me! One thing I have really started to pay attention to and become more aware of, is how you often get really nice people which are often the victims of predatory behaviour of people that are simply selfish shysters (or at the very least quite self-centered and care little for their good natured friend).

A good example of this is in a friend of a friend.  This man is very simple, incredibly good-natured however one that society would label as “Slow” (I certainly don’t think that, but it’s a common perception of this person).  This poor person has this so called “Girlfriend” that demands lots of money from him, stops him having an extra friends and especially having any other female friends is completely forbidden.  A “Positive Thinking” will tell a person in this situation, just to “Visualize” things improving.  But in this case, I can promise you a “Positive Thinker” here will get continually abused!

Yet, this girlfriend does what she damn well pleases and certainly doesn’t apply the same rules to herself!

Another great example was one of my own great friends who I have known since  I was 15. In her early 20’s she met this guy that she fell head over heels for her – and I am sure you know where I am going with this story – he took total advantage of her and broke her heart (and he damn well knew he was doing it too).

This makes me think, why is it so easy to manipulate “Good-Natured People?”. I think where this can be a problem is that if you are “Good-Natured” it’s easy to assume that everyone else is.  That is:

– Because I won’t steal that Ladies / Guys Purse or Wallet it means that no one will take mine.

That is a fairly natural assumption, i.e. if you don’t believe it’s fine to run around killing people, then why on earth would anyone harm you?

Unfortunately, you and I both know – this is just not how the world works and there are unfortunately some very dark (and in some cases very evil) people in this world that are expert manipulators which I bet some specialize in how to really take advantage of “Good-Natured” people. By learning this the hard way, I have realized it is great to be “Good-Natured” (as I would want to be any other way), however one cannot be naive in this day and age.

When you are just so “Damn Positive” and you “Visualize” all this great stuff and you are “So Damn Happy” and you just believe the “World is the best place” – and you take this to the extreme, you can really set yourself up for a complete disaster (as not only I, but many others of my good friends have).

By the same token, you wouldn’t swim in shark infested waters, because the “Sun is so nice”, and the “Water is so Warm” – that in essence what delusional extremes of “Positive Thinking” tells you to do. I think being “Truly Positive” is a great thing, however in this world you have to balance that with a good dose of “Realism” to ensure that you don’t get manipulated or sucked-in to some elses agenda!

The QLD Floods: Is the Political Rhetoric helping people rebuild their homes?

Queensland Floods - Rebuilding (Thank you to Martin Howard from FLICKR)

Does finding Scapegoats repair the damage done?

It is very sad to see what happened to the poor people in QLD.  What is amazing about this situation though is that the disaster really brought out the generosity and strength in the Australia public.  “The Clean-Up” Army, the Volunteer donations were all amazing things.

It was also great to see that “Looters”, “Raiders” and “Greedy Profiteers” of people’s suffering were dealt with in a swift manner.  Those people are extremely “Un-Australian” and it was only a delight to see them get what they really deserve.  I just only hope that they are punished to the full extent of the law.

I would imagine that there are not many countries in the world where people are as generous as Australian’s and would contribute so much to helping “Complete Strangers”.

Similar to Hurricane Katrina, we now are seeing the real aftermath of Political Rhetoric coming out from both sides of Politics, The Government, Insurance Companies and the like.

Like many Australians and Residents of our country, I am not too happy with the Flood Levy that’s being imposed on us by the Federal Government.  Like the great Neil Mitchell and Julia Gillard interview I share some of those sentiments.

It’s not about the money – hell, I would gladly pay a lot more than what the government is asking for a Disaster Fund of some form.  Like many people I have spoken too, it’s not about the money being paid – it’s that:

– We don’t have the confidence that the money would used productively to support the QLD People.

What has really been bugging me (and lot’s of people lately) is that the focus has been “Oh, we need more money – let’s just Tax the Australian Population again”.  To make this even worse, the NBN is still going ahead and the cuts are being made to programs designed to improve the Ecological & Environmental situation in Australia.

I am a very strong Liberal Supporter and lately I have really started to agree and align myself with the perspective of the Greens.  I never really used to be a Greens supporter, however I honestly have to say that they have really stepped up to the plate and are oddly enough becoming a voice of reason in the current Minority Government we have.

What’s even becoming amazing is that it appears relations between the Coalition and the Greens are really starting to thaw.  Honestly something I never would have expected to see! No amount of “Positive Thinking” would have created this – it’s obviously a reflection of deeper values overlapping. What I really think is becoming sad is that like many things in politics, the eye is coming off the ball of the QLD People and it’s just becoming a “Hurricane Katranish” political battle about protecting polls and one’s position.

Political Discussion is great and it’s good to see that something is being done to help the Queenslanders, however it would be great if less focus was on “The Polls” and “Political Protection” and more on the poor people that need help. Touch wood we will see some action soon – and let’s hope that if we are taxed, it actually goes to helping the Queenslanders!

Political Rhetoric – it’s great when you “Stop Being Positive” and start to see through all the junk. There needs to be action to help the people, not action to help the polls!

[Edward’s Notes Years Later: Oh yeah! Tony Abbott is Prime Minster and Times are rocking and so glad to have the silly Labor and Greens out of Government.  Good things come to those that wait and patience just rocks I say!]

Do “Positive People” Completely Piss You Off?

Yes, I am so happy – now pay me $50 to join my program to be like me.

I don’t know about you, but when I go to Business Networking Meetings, Seminars or even when I was going to my Local Church, I always remember those “Highly Positive” people who would jump on you – much like an excited Puppy to a leg or a Chocolate Addict to the Confectionery Aisle in your local Woolworths (i.e. like the Chocolate Phase I went through mid June last year).

In fact, after working as a Business Coach and a Marketing Manager for years, I have been to more Seminars than I can remember and now am developing a disdain for these “Positive People” that jump all over me.

Now, before you think “Oh Ed, you are such a Negative Sod, You Suck and I want to see you Whipped in the town square for even talking this way” – I just want to be clear what I mean about “Positive People”.

I am not talking about genuinely optimistic people that work hard, focus, accept difficult situations but move forward in a logical and positive manner.

I am talking about those that:

– “Turn it On” when they see you.

– Genuinely don’t care for anyone but themselves – i.e. their “Positivity” is put on to either get your money or to feed their ego as they are convinced they are “Likable”.

– Are really putting on a front, either to manipulate you or because they are pretending to be happy when they are really not.

– Are so positive to the point, where their behavior is border-lining on dishonesty.

These people really drive me nuts and quite often – I have noticed with a lot of people who are selling or even organizations with “Cult-Like” elements, the “Positive Front” is really more of a tactic used to manipulate. After all:

– I am so happy because I am in this organization.

– It only costs $820 to join.

– You will be happy like me if you do so.

You and I both know, it’s just a tactic designed for someone else besides ourselves to profit.  “Positive Thinkers” using “Positive Thinking” designed to make you poor (and them rich obviously!).

Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting the other extreme whereby you have a bad day and just share your negative energy with everyone.  Like most things, going from one extreme to the other won’t result in any improvement.

I am just suggesting that if people were more genuine it would make relationship building much easier and remove a lot of the unnecessary pretenses in our society.

In addition, people who really make out how “Positive” their situation (when it’s really not) to sell a product, service or membership are acting in a way that not only their mother’s would disapprove of, but would arguably be considered unethical by any reasonable person.

One thing I have found is that “Truly Positive” people, don’t actually pounce on you or hit you up with “Put-On & Fake Positive Energy”.  The ones I know just sit there calmly, smile and really act in a genuine manner.  I can only hope to become “Truly Positive” like some of the great Mentors I have right now.  I would rather be “Negative & Honest” than BS someone that is for sure!