Self-Respect: The Two Way Street and Loving the Reflection!

Self-Respect - My life never worked till I started developing it!

Self-Respect – My life never worked till I started developing it!

I am very grateful to have yet another amazing day in my marketing consulting business.  This post I would like to dedicate to my awesome CPA with whom I met with today.  I am also thinking of the hard-working and amazing Jenny Kuo (from Sociable Space) as I write this article.

Like many of my clients (who are about 70% awesome female business owners), my CPA fits the perfect profile of many of them.  Kind, good natured, technically brilliant, hard-working and of course not realizing how awesome they actually are!

Relating to this experience myself, I have spent many years of my life with little respect for myself.  This has led to a disastrous life for myself in a range of areas.  One big one was how badly my career progressed.  As I never had respect for myself, I would always be attracted to employers that merely gave me respect matching my own internal respect.  This resulted in earning far less than what I deserve, working incredible hours, generating results without any long-term benefit to myself and having nothing to show for years of hard work when I was moved on in all instances.

Many corporate rebels like myself are dealing with fallout from years of ill treatment in corporate environments.  I used to think it was “only ee” (which is no doubt their intent) only to realize there are many which had it worse than me a range of ways.  I have heard amazing stories and personally observed a range of things covering:

– Sexual harassment (e.g “sex for job security”).

– Forced to commit crimes to keep your job (happened to me once, and I said no and called their bluff).

– Standard corporate bullying.

– Theft by withholding entitlements and commissions.

– Women being penalized.

All very sad stuff and after speaking with my CPA and reflecting on my past, it’s all about respect.  That is, many corporates and even people in our own lives treat us with such disrespect and contempt, we must be careful not to let it change our own view of “self-respect”.  The big mistake I made was not keeping up my self respect and them getting to me and their lies rubbing off on me.

When I went into my own business and escaped that abuse, the thing that I found strange (as many others do) is that it can take some time to detox from what happens to us.  In my case, even years later:

– I still have nightmares.

– I still act with poor confidence at times.

– I still don’t treat myself fairly.

– But I am getting over it!

To my poor friends and clients alike – if for whatever reason you don’t have good self-respect, I encourage you to really work on this part of your life.  As my self-respect has increased, my income and results have increased! So it’s important and totally critical!

There are no secret answers, but I can say one great technique I learnt in the church and did myself:

– Every day Write 10 x Things (every morning) about why you can realistically self-respect yourself!

It can be little things! Eating health, loving your children, helping someone – or even from your past, reflecting on big things and missions you have won.  I did this exercise mentally and it worked, but many need to write it down.  Reflect on why you are awesome!

So if you are down on yourself and letting yourself get walked over, you have little self-respect, so please work on it! Don’t stuff up your life like I did, and if you have – just improve and don’t punish yourself!

The MEAN Bully who Played Victim

I heard that Bullies love being hit by bats.

I heard that Bullies love being hit by bats.

At a Networking Group some time ago, a few of this had this very strange experience with this individual.  Firstly, the person came to our Networking Group and appeared to have a great time.

The person appeared to integrate well, was well accepted and I even thought they may want to join us.  We joked around a bit and they were happy.

Then the next day, I got this very strange email from them saying “I made fun of them and they were so upset”.  I made this funny remark to them and they were all upset and offended.  Even though I thought they were not being very reasonable, I then apologized.

I then heard from this person about 1 month later and they were my best friend.

I moved and forgot about it, and then one of my friends at the same time had an almost identical experience with this mean individual.  That is – for no “Common Sense” reason, the person blew up at them, demanding an apology.  Once given, the person backed down.

Strange pattern and I knew it – this person has some type of selfish problem and is just projecting it onto everyone.  I then bumped into this person, said hello and they “Snobbed” me off.

On a funny note, this person probably weights about 50kg and is actually quite a non-intimidating figure, but loves to hit people from a distance with mean emails.  So I thought this one through and picked up on an interesting pattern.

This person is a MEAN bully! They enjoy the power kick they get from pushing people around.  They were quite sophisicated actually, they turn on the “Waterworks” and get all “Upset” and play Victim.

Years ago, I worked in this one role and there was this mean bully who was protected by Management.  They did what they wanted and when they got into trouble, they turned on the “Waterworks” to get off the hook.

So clever strategy! These MEAN people play victim so people back off and then manipulate and bully people.  When they get found out, the “Waterworks” go on.

Well MEAN person.  If you are reading this blog, you know who you are.  I am up for a rematch if you are! So be careful out there! If someone is playing victim too much, I bet they are trying to work you over. I heard that bullies liked to be whacked with sticks.  They really do – so you should try it!

The Evil Networking Director who Bullied Us. What?

If I only gave the Jerk more Cold Shoulder at the Time! Rats :) If you are out there Richard, I am up for Round #2!

If I only gave the Jerk more Cold Shoulder at the Time! If you are out there “Brian”, I am up for Round #2!

If you know me, this has been quite a “Corner Stone” / “War Story” of me starting up my business.  Even though I wished too, I didn’t want to publicly name the Networking Group that did this to us.  I know some good people in it – and if I was to publicly name the group, it would make it just harder for them – but believe me, I would like too!

However, in light of protecting my buddies – I still wanted to present this story as a warning to everyone else out there.  When I first started my business, it was tough.  I was under-confident, not too happy, had Vista-Print business cards and no money.  So going out to a Networking Group for the first time was hard as!

I then found a local Networking Referral Group.  If you aren’t familiar with this wording – it’s not so much a Networking Group where you meet people (e.g. say 4Networking) – it’s more of “Closed Network” where  you purchase a seat.  That is – you have one of each profession and YOU MUST refer to each of them.

The Group measures you by the number of visitors and referrals you give and if you don’t deliver – you will get shunned and eventually kicked out.

There was a start-up chapter of this group nearby in Inner West Sydney.  It was about $1100 to join and besides the odd person I didn’t get along with – it was a great group of people.  Then about the 4th meeting, we have this “Director” by the name of “Brian” come along.

The man was mean and abusive and sat there and told us all that we have to “Bring Visitors” along.  If we didn’t, we would be asked to leave.

That day, quite a few members left the group and had quite a horrible reaction to being treated this way (i.e. it wasn’t just my view, it was a common view of this being handled poorly).  It put an incredible amount of stress on me and it was some very tough times for me.

I found another Networking Group which was fantastic (i.e. 4Networking which I love), and then about 3 months later the Chapter collapsed.  So I bet on the right horse and did well getting out of there!

I think I grew up 5 years in 2 months over this experience and it taught me of some of the lack of ethics some people have.  When people start out in business, they are already going up against the odds – and some evil characters exploit this.  I always said to myself, if I see this “Brian” fellow in the street – I would give him a piece of my mind.

He is the type of character I bet that would often be rude to waitresses and probably have beaten up smaller children than him when he was at Primary School.

My lesson is one big time – if you are starting out, make sure you are mixing with a positive and supportive crowd that have your interests at heart! If you get caught up in the wrong circles like I did – don’t take it, don’t get upset, just move on! I was very lucky to meet the likes of Grant Dempsey from 4Networking to help me back on my feet!  As for you “Brian”, if you ever read this blog – be thankful I didn’t use your last name.  I probably should have you meanie!

So if you know who I am talking about, make sure you try and steal his wallet if you see him in the street!

Here’s to looking after and protecting the underdog!

The Arrogant & Fat Business Coach who said I suck.

I can't wait till I see this Fat Meanie Again :)

I can’t wait till I see this Fat Meanie Again!

One of the fantastic people I work with (by the name of Ralph Rintoule – a high end Property Investor) has been a fantastic reverse client.  That is – although he has hired me for Marketing Help, his years of experience has “Reverse Mentored” me in many ways.

He said something quite interesting the other day in that:

– When we start out, we secrete a “Pheromone” which causes every leech to try and take advantage of us.

That is so true – now I am well beyond “Start Up” stage and have an established business – the people that pushed me around at the start, I am actually now competing with and winning. This is not because I am “Brilliant”, but because I am not a stupid, arrogant or an  unqualified liar like some people I am talking about.

This one fat guy I am talking about in particular, I met when I started my business.  He is this “Awesome Business Coach” and when I had Vista Print Business Cards, no money and was very insecure – he used it as an opportunity to try and intimidate me in front of other people. He questioned what I did, my credentials, my training and I feel very bad for a few days.  2 years later, I am an Sponsor of one of the events he now visits infrequently and he must be making no money.

One time I saw him at an event, my blood boiled and I said to my friend next to me “Hey you see that fat dickhead? Yes, he is the guy who pushed me around when I started”.  The fat dickhead heard me and awesome – he got really intimated and now won’t even come near me. Besides fulfilling my no doubt “Immature” need for retribution, when I speak to many “Zeros to Heroes” I work with – they all have similar stories.  They started, had no money, no network – odds were against them and horrible scum bags like this fellow put them down.

And they found it distressing, but what was very funny – was each of these people often within 12 months grew and overtook the capacity of the people attacking them. It’s not very nice and these people totally suck.  I am glad that this dickhead who put me down, is a fat loser – and is making no money from the networking group. Competitor or not, we must all remember how hard it is starting something new – and just because evil people were mean to us, doesn’t give us any right to be mean to others.

People starting out need support and care! In fact, I have been making this a point of in my business – and people who may have Vista Print business cards need a helping hand – not abuse like this evil idiot dished out. Perhaps next time I see him, I may *Accidentally* bump into him.  Hopefully into oncoming traffic.  People who start out in business needs support – so next time you are at a Networking Event, remember yourself in that position!

And if you happen to be the Fat Business Coach reading this article who bullied me when I started out – I hope you change your wicked ways!