Working on my own Trust & Loneliness Issues – Getting there!

The awesome Joel de la Cruz done up in Japanese Style.  He is ironically a cool Filipino guy :)

The awesome Joel de la Cruz done up in Japanese Style. He is ironically a cool Filipino guy.

This article I wanted to dedicate to the amazing Joel de la Cruz from “Your Relationship Oracle”.  I have been very lucky to be working with this amazing man who is very kind and also has an “Innate” 6th Sense when it comes to understanding people.

He put a thought provoking post on Facebook that was about “Grief” and the pain of dealing with it.  It really got me thinking, not so much in a “Death” type of respect but got me reflecting on some of my own personal issues that I am dealing with.

Business wise I am rocking (the numbers are great and my projects are up to date) which is fantastic, however my own personal life is becoming quite an issue.  I think a lot of the issues I have always had, are now becoming more prominent as my life is getting busier and there are more and more people that are relying on me.  Like all things, I certainly don’t like “Having issues” and I find myself in the position of having to face them off and deal with them.  A few of my friends know my issues well (thank you Joel, Jenny Kuo, Lisa Aifantis, James Budd, Edward Wright and Penny + more) and it’s been great having their support.

If you read a bit earlier, I do suffer from a Diagnosed Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and it wasn’t that long ago my life was in pieces due to some really bad judgment, poor choices and laziness on my part.  My life is the best it’s ever been in all areas – and although things “On Paper” are rocking, I still mentally am connected to the times where I was alone and really had no one to trust.

My life only really came together say 10 months ago and on a funny note, I am finding myself dealing with all my issues that have been impacting me all my life.  On an even funnier note, the more I be honest with people, the more they are honest with me in telling me their own issues and the stuff they have to deal with.

So I am not alone in my own issues! I used to think everyone was right and there was something “Wrong” with me – only to find that everyone has their own issues and challenges.  One thing I have learnt lately and my close friend Jenny Kuo has been brilliant at (read my earlier articles about this amazing woman) – is about speaking about my own issues.

She has also put up with a lot of my “Trust Issues” – so if you read this Jen, thank you for your patience with me!

Being a “Persian Man” is great, but one big limitation is admitting my own issues.  That is, I was brought up with the importance of making out “I am just wonderful” even when things are just simply not.  The big realization I have had, is to admit the truth and nothing but the whole truth in an objective manner.  That is, if I have a problem “Admit It” as a weakness and deal with it, but also just as equally – if i am brilliant at something then tell the world with complete pride and satisfaction.

Thank you for the read in my article turned diary entry! Have a great day out there with maximum appreciation from Edward Zia – Marketing Mentor and Awesome Marketing Vault Creator.

My Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Friends Abandoning Me?

I had some massive trouble with Alcoholism in my 20's!  Quite normal for people suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (like me).  Best stay on the wagon :)

I had some massive trouble with Alcoholism in my 20’s! Quite normal for people suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (like me). Best stay on the wagon!

When I was growing up from say my mid-teens to very early 20’s, I remember hanging out with this group of “Friends”.  Even though I say the term “Friends” with a level of sarcasm, I think at the start they were actually my friends, but then over time they became clearly my “Friends”.

I was telling this story to a few people lately, Jenny Kuo, Luke Goodman and also to Matt Craig and reflecting on how things change and what happens.  When I was younger, I used to have a group of friends, a “Circle” as you will.  It was Tim, Jodi, Troy, Ben and a few other characters which for the life of me I can’t remember!

We had some good times for sure and in those days, I was always the “Under Confident” one of the lot.  That is, I would be the “Supporter” of the team, always doing what they want  and bending to their will.  I actually had some big “Mental” problems so to speak while I was younger.

I had a few life threatening situations (another story for another time) and got stalked by a drug dealer, shot at, threatened with knives and badly assaulted on several occasions.  I one time got strangled to the point of having very dark marks on my neck for days which I covered up with a scarf so my parents wouldn’t see it (It was winter fortunately!).

Without realizing, as a Teenager I developed a moderate case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (with a heavy bout of Alcoholism  I had to deal with in my late 20’s! (But Again another story for another time).  I then spent thousands later on for a Psychologist who Specializes in Child Abuse and War Veterans.  I remember hearing that I had the emotional scarring of many Vietnam Veterans he saw (because even though I never saw an actual “Battlefield” the extensive beating and threats as a “Teenager” has a greater impact on one’s brain, say compared to being an adult).

Anyway – where was I? Yes, I suffered from heavy emotional problems and as I got better and healthier mentally, my confidence naturally rose.  You probably know where this story is going!  As I got better, I started speaking my own voice and preferences and guess what happened – this disrupted the precedent and order of things and the group started getting irritated with me.  I remember two of the ring leaders, Ben & Tim were putting a lot of pressure on me to “Conform” with the expectations and we started fighting.  Then, while I was busy working away – they turned most of the group against me and I was vilified!

Even though it sounds laughable in hindsight compared to what I am sure you are (and me too) dealing with our lives right now, it was actually quite a painful experience that created a range of Social Problems for me later.  As I was working through Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dealing with my Alcoholism (which is quite normal for people with PTSD).  I also destroyed many great relationships which was completely my fault in fear of getting close to anyone again.

Ben, Tim and the Group really did hurt me in a quite a few ways and in moving on in life – the irony was that a few of them tried adding me on Facebook a few years ago.  It was like “Everything” is just great and nothing happened and they wanted to be buddies.  I even spoke to Ben for a short time, then decided to move on from them. Although I don’t wish any harm to them – certainly didn’t want to connect with them based on what they did to me.

The big thing I have been learning and reflecting on has been “Learning to Trust” again. I have been working with a few clients who have had people abandon them. Be it to relationships breaking down, friends moving on and then feeling paranoid and not being able to get close to anyone again.  In fact, even I have a bit of a guard up when it comes to getting “Too Close” to people.  A certain good friend (you know how I am talking about) has cracked my facade a bit and certainly started helping me in learning to trust again and that sort of thing (this is not a clue “Kenny Juo”).

One thing this has got me reflecting on is that I have some fantastic friends these days.  I do certainly take them for granted sometimes and I am well aware of that weakness of mine and doing my best to really acknowledge and look after them.  I am starting to realize later in life that Real Friends put up with your upsides and downsides!  Yes, you may have fights with people – but you all kiss and make up and move on which is what it’s all about.

So thanks for reading this Post / Diary Entry! I am very happy with the friends I have made these days and lucky to have them around.  Those mean people from my Teen Years – Peehhh! I look forward to ignoring their Facebook Requests in future!

If you are going through a breakup, or a bunch of friends have dumped you – I feel for you! If you are “Alone in the Dark”, like I used to be, please don’t be too lonely.  Have a good giving heart and you will find some great people who return the love & respect you give.

Thanks again for the read and appreciated! I will have to write more articles about the pain of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – it hurts!

Self-Respect: The Two Way Street and Loving the Reflection!

Self-Respect - My life never worked till I started developing it!

Self-Respect – My life never worked till I started developing it!

I am very grateful to have yet another amazing day in my marketing consulting business.  This post I would like to dedicate to my awesome CPA with whom I met with today.  I am also thinking of the hard-working and amazing Jenny Kuo (from Sociable Space) as I write this article.

Like many of my clients (who are about 70% awesome female business owners), my CPA fits the perfect profile of many of them.  Kind, good natured, technically brilliant, hard-working and of course not realizing how awesome they actually are!

Relating to this experience myself, I have spent many years of my life with little respect for myself.  This has led to a disastrous life for myself in a range of areas.  One big one was how badly my career progressed.  As I never had respect for myself, I would always be attracted to employers that merely gave me respect matching my own internal respect.  This resulted in earning far less than what I deserve, working incredible hours, generating results without any long-term benefit to myself and having nothing to show for years of hard work when I was moved on in all instances.

Many corporate rebels like myself are dealing with fallout from years of ill treatment in corporate environments.  I used to think it was “only ee” (which is no doubt their intent) only to realize there are many which had it worse than me a range of ways.  I have heard amazing stories and personally observed a range of things covering:

– Sexual harassment (e.g “sex for job security”).

– Forced to commit crimes to keep your job (happened to me once, and I said no and called their bluff).

– Standard corporate bullying.

– Theft by withholding entitlements and commissions.

– Women being penalized.

All very sad stuff and after speaking with my CPA and reflecting on my past, it’s all about respect.  That is, many corporates and even people in our own lives treat us with such disrespect and contempt, we must be careful not to let it change our own view of “self-respect”.  The big mistake I made was not keeping up my self respect and them getting to me and their lies rubbing off on me.

When I went into my own business and escaped that abuse, the thing that I found strange (as many others do) is that it can take some time to detox from what happens to us.  In my case, even years later:

– I still have nightmares.

– I still act with poor confidence at times.

– I still don’t treat myself fairly.

– But I am getting over it!

To my poor friends and clients alike – if for whatever reason you don’t have good self-respect, I encourage you to really work on this part of your life.  As my self-respect has increased, my income and results have increased! So it’s important and totally critical!

There are no secret answers, but I can say one great technique I learnt in the church and did myself:

– Every day Write 10 x Things (every morning) about why you can realistically self-respect yourself!

It can be little things! Eating health, loving your children, helping someone – or even from your past, reflecting on big things and missions you have won.  I did this exercise mentally and it worked, but many need to write it down.  Reflect on why you are awesome!

So if you are down on yourself and letting yourself get walked over, you have little self-respect, so please work on it! Don’t stuff up your life like I did, and if you have – just improve and don’t punish yourself!

Positive Thinking and Getting Ripped Off: Not this time!

Not this time buddy! My turn you evil Positive Thinking Nutjobs!

Not this time buddy! My turn you evil Positive Thinking Nutjobs!

I have had one annoying, but now I am writing this blog “quite humorous” week.  Between this “positive thinker” slandering me at a networking event and getting ripped off recently while trying to do the right thing by someone, it really got me reflecting on the past about “positive thinking” and all that great stuff.

Since I have started this blog, I have been in business for about 2.5 years and I am going strong.  I am very lucky and pinch myself every day, but I continually think I have done this by NOT being a positive thinker.  When my life wasn’t working, I used to bury myself in the hype and delusion of positive thinking by entering poor business ventures, giving the last of my little coins to corrupt motivational guys and of course being the world’s door-mat.

Looking back on my life over the last few years and the progression I have made, it’s been on the back of “negative thinking” or if you may “balanced thinking”. That is, I have been looking at things as they are, dealing with problems as they come up, watching out for things coming my way, but trying to be as positive about things as possible.

And it works! It works great too.

The thing I am reflecting on is how I got ripped off recently. I had a few get me actually including this lovely positive thinker! Basically not paying my bills for a great deal of work we had done!

I can also predict how this character would respond, that is – they will sit back and no doubt use “positive thinking” and convince themselves how great they are and that I really deserved it.

The good news with this one, is that I didn’t use any “positive thinking” to counter this one.  In fact, I have been very direct with them, defended myself and won’t be supporting their business interests any further (even if they do choose to pay me, even with a deposit).

It’s been a strange trend, the people I have found who are most obsessed with this superficial form of “lame positive thinking” are the first ones to always try messy and unethical business moves.

So what I have I learned over the past few years of business? Be fair, stand up for yourself, and “don’t be positive”.  Ha ha, I sound like a cynic now and perhaps I am.

But one must be careful, it’s a jungle out there!

Positive Thinking and Getting Shafted by a “Positive Person”

Was she not being Positive Enough? Of course not and we got to be on the guard for scumbags trying to rip us off!

Was she not being Positive Enough? Of course not and we got to be on the guard for scumbags trying to rip us off!

OK get ready to have a good laugh at my expense!  The other day I got shafted by an ex-client who ripped myself and a friend off who was working with them on their business.  Interesting I worked with them ages ago and they were “OK”, but this time they went down the evil, unethical path and would probably be the person that would enjoy stealing $1 from a homeless person to put in a pokie machine (i.e. “slot machine” if you are reading this from North America).

Quite sad actually, we used to quite like this person but they did mean things, after mean things and there is nothing but to conclude that they are an “evil person” who is just trying to rip everyone off.  I am not too worried, I got a long paper trail and a debt collector is now after this person hopefully to dispense some badly needed justice.

In terms of “positive thinking” and all that rubbish, I am enjoying considering situations like these looking at them through that prism.  That is, in “positive thinking” there is no such thing as traffic, bills, problems, poverty and everything is rosy.  This obviously (besides being delusional) sets one up with a level of naivety that people like “evil person above”.  The evil person above (let’s call them “Jane”) enjoys positive people.

Why does “Jane” like that? Because she can get in there, take advantage of them, clean them out and just move onto the next target.

This is where positive thinking has got to stop and when you see a ratbag like this taking advantage of people, you apply “negative thinking” with extreme force.  Not to just protect yourself, but you have to stop these people.  If you don’t do something to punish them, they will just move onto the next target and the next.

When the debt collectors finish with “Jane”, she will certainly think twice about ripping me and my friend off yet again.

In fact, I got badly ripped off again late last year by this certain person as well.  It hurt, it was painful but like all things – it makes you tougher and although I wasn’t in a position to effectively retaliate on this one, I could certainly take care of “Jane”.  For the person that nailed me last year, I am going to have to leave this in the hands of Jesus / karma / God to take care of them.

So positive thinking huh? Obviously it doesn’t take much logic to completely debunk positive thinking and unfortunately there are a lot of scum-bags out there. So protect yourself my friends! Be trusting, but be careful.  Look after those that need it and punish the wicked.

Dodgy, evil positive thinkers deserve punishment so hit them with a round of negativity for me!  Hope you love this one, feel free to drop me a line anytime if you got some stories to share!

Negative Thinking: How did it stop me from being a loser?

This potent image reminds me of some of my darker days. Instead of doing something about it, I used Positive Thinking to keep me a loser. Learnt from my mistakes if you are making them!

This potent image reminds me of some of my darker days. Instead of doing something about it, I used Positive Thinking to keep me a loser. Learnt from my mistakes if you are making them!

I love negative thinking, it’s absolutely fantastic and since I have constructively engaged negative thinking instead of that lame positive thinking, my life is miraculously working all of a sudden.

“Positive thinking” cost me thousands and set my life back years and what I find very interesting is this whole blog.  When I originally created it, I had this incorrect view that “I was going out on a limb” and it would generate controversy hence interest.  After about 2 years of the blog and not being long away from 20,000 views it has generated almost no controversy – it seems to be the view of many that get’s little attention these days in a sea over stupid “positive thinking” tools which are based on some “reality” of the author.

What has made me really reflect on my life in the context of wasting it with “delusional and wishful positive thinking” lately is not only working through it myself and actually succeeding doing the almost pure opposite – is being taken advantage of quite badly recently and meeting people who were in my position.  Putting it all into context, I am using it as a means of helping people – which I think is great and at least “justifies” to myself why I went through all that.

Lately I have developed a great deal of respect for the virtues of negative thinking and really considering things in a pragmatic and realistic manner.  In many instances in my life, I was in situations which I knew weren’t good for me – but instead of applying a bit of critical thinking and working my way out of it, I would sit there and “wish” things were better – and then go on the “positive thinking” band-wagon to my own detriment.  Am I sitting here saying be a negative nancy and saying life sucks?

Well, I am actually saying yes.  If your life / business / career / relationship sucks – be a “negative nancy” and admit it.  Where I went wrong was the next step afterwards, instead of taking some type of action – “positive thinking” kicks in to sugar-coat the jagged, bitter tasting and poisonous pill.

In my mid to late 20’s I had some extremely great career / employment success and in the post-GFC world things were never the same.  It took me quite a bit of time to admit things weren’t what they used to be and I started to reject all the years of positive BS I have been exposed too.  In the final days of before going into my own business and working in that direction, I used negative thinking with extreme power and concluded:

– Like it or not, my “employment” career is over.  That is, in this future all the jobs are low pay / high stress compared to the “milk and honey” days.

– Like it or not, a business mindset is something I DO NOT possess, so I better do what it takes to obtain one.

– Like it or not, I am going to have to push myself very hard.

– Like it or not, my success will be based on tough decisions and sacrifice.

– Like it or not, many will try and oppose what I am going to do.

All of the above was true, but my own personal vision really pushed me through a lot of the pain barrier.  I remember the days of getting my first client! I will proudly say it was Kings William Chiropractor in Five Dock (Sydney, Australia) – and I still work with them to this day and they are great (besides being my own personal chiropractor).

That was my first win to convince me of the new paradigm and after much stubbornness, faith and realizing that going back is a form of death – it kept me going to reach where I am today.

As I look back roughly 2 years later, I do see many things that I once held dearly that turned out to be vices against my own success.  One being clearly “positive thinking”.

Today, this is almost a dangerous sub-religion often used to grow bank balances of motivational speakers at the expense of the attendees bank account with funds earn’t by hours of slaving away for oppressive corporates that value the dollar far greater than the human being.

I hope you enjoyed my almost “communist” but ironically “free enterprise” blog here, feel free to drop me a line at my business website.  

Thank you for taking the time to read this – wherever you are, at whatever time – have a great morning, day, evening or night – and of course, smile and “be negative!”

Why do Positive Thinkers always give up?

Perhaps you need to be more positive aye?

Perhaps you need to be more positive aye?

This has been my experience over the last 2 years or so.  I am not a Positive Thinker by any stretch of the imagination (in fact, I accept I can be too Negative at times) and I have usually been criticized by them.

I have heard these lovely “Positive Thinkers” say to me that:

– I won’t be successful with my mindset.

– They are going to make millions in two years.

– Victory will come from Positive Thinking.

I am thinking of about 15 people when I write this and many of them started businesses and entered into these “New Ventures”.

Where do you think they are now? Well you probably have figured this out, they are back working as an employee or still losing tons of money not dealing with mother reality.

In going through the process of starting up my own business, I think I have gone to hell and back quite a few times now.  The best model I had it explained to me is that it’s the “Dark Tunnel” which we must cross.   The more times we cross it, the tougher, smarter and more valuable to the market we become.

Many of these “Positive Thinkers” don’t accept this reality.  I have had them all tell me that I should just “Visualize” and it’s all going to happen.

The problem of this thinking is that it ignores the inevitable.  No matter how good or lucky you are, you are going to have some bad days in your life and business.  These unprepared people get their worlds shattered and in my experience are the first to give up.

It’s better to accept bad stuff is coming, so you are prepared to deal with it and win!

So you Positive Thinkers out there! I have thrown down the gauntlet, so please tell me why I am wrong and nothing bad ever happens in our world.  Give me some examples too – love to hear your “Thoughts”.

Otherwise for you realists out there have a fantastic day! If you have some rough times stick at it, they always pass!

Evil Nutjobs and their Quest into your Bank Account!

They Shonks would if they could!

The Shonks would if they could!

Lately I have heard this expression come up more and more in that “You Should Never Leave Money on the Table?”.  I only heard this expression maybe a year ago – and like all things, I really learn both sides of the coin before taking a side.

I understand conceptually the point of “Not Leaving Money on the Table”.  That is – my ethical / noble take of it is lets say you meet with someone, it’s really good to establish some way you can help each other before you leave.  Be it buy their services, sell, refer or just support each other.

However, I have seen it’s dark underbelly show up yet again in that when you meet with some people, they really really try hard to take your money by any means possible.  That is, I have heard war stories of people:

– Trying to oversell.  That is – their services are not appropriate for the other and they keep going without any ethics.

– They make out they want to meet for innocent means and then hit you up at the table to join some type of scheme (i.e. a big issue around Sydney right now).

– They try and get you to do something to serve only their agenda and pay little to no attention to yours.

The Top Earners I personally know and work with – about 9 /10 of them are team players, contributors, and only enter sustainable “Win-Win” agreements.  I know the odd rich toad, but in my experience over the last few years – most rich are quite noble type of characters (i.e. the sustainable / long term wealthy).

I have noticed that the poorest people I know are the ones that try to suck you into schemes and usually have a poor reputation around town.

I once met a guy at a Networking Event that did almost all of the above.  They dominated me in the conversation, tried to sell me some crap that they knew wasn’t useful to me.  And then afterwords he “Accidentally” sent me some material on a dodgy scheme.  When I pointed this out, he was all like “Oh Sorry, it was by accident”.

I then said “No thank you, this type of scheme isn’t for me”.

And guess what he did, he kept going! I then stopped replying to his emails and that got rid of him.  Also of interest, you can tell that he certainly didn’t want to leave any money on the table! Provided of course it was all in his wallet!

So please be careful out there boys and girls! I have noticed shonks on the rise in the Sydney Scene and I really hate them all big time.

Happy Easter too! 🙂

Eric Cartman: Is the only cure for Hate, More Hate?

If the World is such a Positive Place, then why are we still Fighting Wars?

Love or Hate Eric Cartman – he really leads the boys in South Park and has an uncanny sense of street wise smarts.

With all the “Positive Thinking” extreme trash out in the marketplace, I have seen some amazing extremes from both these perspectives.  I have sat there and watched “Positive Thinking” videos by incredibly delusional “Positive Thinkers” that will sit there and tell you the world is such a wonderful place, there is so “Much Abundance”, through “Visualization” wars will end and if you stuck 4 Wheels on me and paint me Red – I would become a fire truck.

OK – Let’s run with this Positive Extreme for a second and pretend it has some kind of Credibility.  If you defend this line of thinking, then please answer these questions for me:

– If the world is such a “Positive Place” then why does 50% of the world live in Poverty? (50% may be a bit of a rough estimate, but I know it’s really high – just go and ask Bono or someone like that).

– The poor Wife who get’s beaten by her husband for 20 years – are you telling me she lives in an Abundant world?

– The poor person in a wheelchair – is that Abundant?

– Living under ruthless dictators such as Saddam Hussein, Gaddafi, Kim Jong Il or Fidel Castro – is that Abundant, and would visualizing them “Going Away” make it happen?

You may think I am being Brutal, but come on – don’t lie to me and don’t lie to yourself. These “Positive Thinking” morons write books, sugar coat everything so you simply purchase their products.  After all – if “Visualization” and “Positive Thinking” is so powerful – then why don’t those poor Starving people in North Korea have large houses, a fully stocked refrigerator and the ability to choose where they want to have dinner that night?

Eric Cartman’s line from South Park  “The only way to fight hate … is with MORE hate!” – doesn’t sound very nice.  In fact it sounds disgusting.  But in certain situations – it’s very true!

Hitler is an obvious example, but a current example today are the poor people in Libya fighting the evil and oppressive regime of Colonel Gaddafi.  Lot’s of people have died at the hands of this mad-man, and unless he is stopped – plenty more people will die.

So you “Positive Thinkers” out there who have never left your house, had Mommy & Daddy pay for house & car and have almost no real world experience – I challenge you to respond to this post.  Don’t just say “I’m Wrong” as I get from you guys quite often, I am really open to a credible counter argument on this point (i.e. if I am “Wrong” as you always tell me, then convince me otherwise).  In this case, Eric Cartman is on the money – sometimes, you have to fight “Fire with Fire” and “Hate with Hate”.

We live in a beautiful, yet dangerous world and in dangerous times.  Freedom certainly isn’t “Free” and if we don’t stand up to dictators in the world, or even bullies in our own workplaces and lives – things are only going to get worse for us.  Am I saying running around being fully charged with Hate? Of course not – but sometimes, situations beyond our control call for this type of approach.  Be careful out there, it’s a jungle!