One of my own biggest issues was requiring everyone to “Approve” of me. Even though I held some serious Corporate Jobs, did some “Special Government Work” in being in some hostile situations and the like – I had a lot of very insecure views which created a lot of problems in my life.
I always used to think it was me and as I got more into my business, I realized I wasn’t exactly alone and a very sizable chunk of the population shared my insecurity in this area. If you are one of them, then I encourage you to read on – you are not alone!
Basically for whatever reason I thought I was “Not Worthy” and all that type of junk. When you have that view of yourself, it creates a situation where you maybe say driven for “Approval” from people. This can be a really bad thing in that if you are driven by “External Approval” it’s much easier for people to control and manipulate you.
These days I consider myself quite strong in this area and even though I am a Sales & Marketing Guy – I often help people in this area when I am Consulting with them. Talking dollars and cents – this kind of thinking can lead you to getting ripped off, getting scammed and all that.
After all, what if the person you want “Approval” from deep down hates you and wants to take all your money? You are in trouble as let’s say they will approve of you when they get what they want at your expense.
Even though I got over this issue probably a good year ago, every now and then I have people come along to test that element of me. I had one recently and boy did I pass with flying colours.
If you are still getting hosed / having issues with needing approval, I would love to share my own personal tips / insights with you on this one:
1) Understand the Damage: Really connect with the damage you are doing to yourself. By you “Needing Approval”, how much damage have you taken? What is the fallout?
2) Look within & Understand it’s origin: Reflection is a critical thing and in my case, much of it was from my childhood. I think it’s good to try and understand where it came from in your thinking.
3) Get Help from a Pro: Psychologists, Well Trained Coaches and Elites – ask for their tips and advice.
4) Resistance and Fighting Back: Liberty starts with resistance and you can work on yourself all you want. BUT YOU GOT TO PUSH back. If someone is taking advantage of you, then time to push back.
5) Get Rid of the Scumbags: Over my time in business I have had people try and take advantage of me trying all sorts of manipulation. I had one some time ago who would be my best pal to try and use me for free hours, my knowledge and then make out how they are always better than me. I just unfriended them one day and loved it!
6) Appreciate Yourself: This took me years! I always used to beat myself so stop it. Relax, the world will beat you up – so you don’t need to do it yourself.
7) Stand Up & Get Attacked: Yes! Get people to attack you and love it. I would always be fearful about standing up because of what “Someone Thought” – so then I did the opposite. BRING IT ON I SAY!
I have found that the more I get attacked, the more I get trolled and the more I push back is the less I need approval. These days I just focus on doing the right thing and helping people – and whatever people think of me, is whatever! Sure I like to be liked, but it no longer controls me – I CONTROL IT.
Love your work and bringing this one back to Sales & Marketing – you want to be clear minded so you can sell & run your business effectively. Get help if you need it! (I certainly did).
About the Author:
Edward Zia is a Marketer, Commentator, Blogger & 4Networking Leader. He loves helping his clients get more high value profitable clients and enjoys telling his stories & insights from his crazy life in Sydney. If you like what you see, read more of his blog and check out his Premium Home Study Course The Awesome Marketing Vault by Edward Zia >> Right Here!