This is not a topic that many like to speak about and is almost a taboo subject – but is Break-Ups of Relationships when it comes to business. I don’t enjoy talking about it either – however talking personally and many other Awesome Business Owners & Entrepreneurs I work with – it has been the cause of high levels of stress and personal fatigue for many.
Talking myself personally too – I had significant break-ups in 2013 which was not only devastating – but really preyed on my health as well (fortunately – they were “Good Break-Ups” – awesome women who I am great friends with).
As I write this article, Valentine’s Day was yesterday and quite a few of us where a bit “Bummed” out (including me). I got a bit down thinking “Aww Jesus, I am 35 now” and started a bit of Violin Playing and “Feel Sorry myself” reflecting on my love lost and the fact there still isn’t a Mrs Crazy Persian.
I am fine now of course, as when I get down it doesn’t tend to last long – and back in the game getting into it (amazing what a block of Cadbury Fruit & Nut does for this feeling). If anything, I am happier now being single and more than happy to wait as long as it takes to find the right one as the cliche goes!
On George Takei’s Page – he shared this awesome Meme of “Grumpy Cat”. If you don’t know Grumpy Cat – then shame on you! (Just Kidding). He is this great internet sensation about this cat that just looks “Pissed Off” all the time – and people put up slightly cynical – yet very true statements about life.
As I was feeling down, seeing Grumpy Cat make light of my situation immediately cheered me up and he totally rocks.
Talking more business (in particular being a solo Entrepreneur) when Relationships turn sour this can be a massive problem if not handled properly. I am not just talking as in “Relationships, Relationships” – but let’s say you are close to someone and that relationship goes bad – it can be very stressful. I was very lucky to be with some amazing women last year and we broke up – and if anything, I think they are totally awesome in the way they handled things. We are great friends today and there is positivity left behind (i.e. we all accept “We tried, it didn’t work – but ehh you get that!”). What was more ironic – was that as I was getting my business & life awesome – I had a few “Friends” use me for heaps of referrals / support then move on. That hurt lots too – and ironically I have those people at times coming back and asking me for help (hmmm!).
Be it Intimate, Close Friends or Business Partners – I (and many friends) have personally experienced events where you are sitting there enjoying a cup of tea – the BOOM! You get an email, a phone call and your life is forever changed in that moment. I had a really close friend in 2013 just one day say “Edward – I don’t want to catch up anymore, I am too busy” and man that hurt.
I poured my heart and soul into that person and when it suited them commercially – they took advantage of me and moved on. That so cut to the bone in that it was the first time in a long time I started making friends again and I wasn’t used to people doing this type of thing to me (as my life only really started to kick butt early 2013 – post GFC and all that).
Talking running a Small Business and being “Bright-Eyed and Bushy Tailed” as you run around and do your Sales & Marketing / Fulfilling your workload – when your significant other or a close personal friend decides to wake up that morning and ruin your day it can be incredibly stressful.
As did I – you may be feeling totally unstable and emotional – but you have work to do! You aren’t an employee anymore, so just “Taking a Day off” – may sound good on paper, but in reality is just not an option. For many great friends who had Marriages End or get screwed – it can be soul destroying but LIFE GOES ON!
This is part of the challenge that I think is that unless you are very very lucky – at some point in your business life, someone will do something quite bad to you in terms of Breaking-Up with you or just ending the friendship. In going through this process myself – my own personal lesson has been dealing with the emotions and forgiving the other person as quickly as possible.
To clarify too – I mean “Forgiveness” in the more “Biblical” sense and not so much the street sense. Most people consider “Forgiveness” as letting the other person walk over you. If you know me personally, I can really defend myself when I need too – and most would agree that I do not let anyone walk over me. In fact, when I feel something bad has been done (even to someone else) – I may even proactively deliver “Justice” myself in situations when no one else does (if I don’t stand up to the scum-bag then who will?).
“Forgiveness” in this sense is more of not taking it any further. By all means you defend yourself, retaliate if it is necessary – but once you have the situation under control, you then let it go and move on. When my good friend called it quits friendship wise (and then hurt me on a few business deals) this was very hard on me and quite a painful process. However, I made myself “Forgive” them and not take any further action against them. Sure, if they tried anything funny on me or a friend – I would retaliate heavily, but unprovoked I have no problem with them and I have released the negative emotions.
This is where most people go wrong in talking business. They enter a “Cold War” with the person they had a falling out with, which I think is not only pathetic – but doesn’t help them financially. Even though this friend really screwed me over, my relationship relationships were with awesome people in that we both “Forgave” each other as quickly as possible. This was not only good for us emotionally – but great for us from a business viewpoint in supporting each other and building a great friendship out of what happened.
If you are in a situation like I have been in – a partner has given you the “I don’t love you speech” or a close friend has given you the “I don’t have time for you anymore speech” may I suggest you relax and forgive that person immediately. Sure, retaliate if you must – but let it go ASAP, be professional and get on with your life. In a few situations I have had, the person comes back to you – and also it’s critical you take the higher road in such situations!
Just because someone does the wrong thing to you, does it make it morally correct to give back what they gave you?
Thank you from Edward Zia – Marketing Mentor and Forgiver of Naughty People!