My Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Friends Abandoning Me?

I had some massive trouble with Alcoholism in my 20's!  Quite normal for people suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (like me).  Best stay on the wagon :)

I had some massive trouble with Alcoholism in my 20’s! Quite normal for people suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (like me). Best stay on the wagon!

When I was growing up from say my mid-teens to very early 20’s, I remember hanging out with this group of “Friends”.  Even though I say the term “Friends” with a level of sarcasm, I think at the start they were actually my friends, but then over time they became clearly my “Friends”.

I was telling this story to a few people lately, Jenny Kuo, Luke Goodman and also to Matt Craig and reflecting on how things change and what happens.  When I was younger, I used to have a group of friends, a “Circle” as you will.  It was Tim, Jodi, Troy, Ben and a few other characters which for the life of me I can’t remember!

We had some good times for sure and in those days, I was always the “Under Confident” one of the lot.  That is, I would be the “Supporter” of the team, always doing what they want  and bending to their will.  I actually had some big “Mental” problems so to speak while I was younger.

I had a few life threatening situations (another story for another time) and got stalked by a drug dealer, shot at, threatened with knives and badly assaulted on several occasions.  I one time got strangled to the point of having very dark marks on my neck for days which I covered up with a scarf so my parents wouldn’t see it (It was winter fortunately!).

Without realizing, as a Teenager I developed a moderate case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (with a heavy bout of Alcoholism  I had to deal with in my late 20’s! (But Again another story for another time).  I then spent thousands later on for a Psychologist who Specializes in Child Abuse and War Veterans.  I remember hearing that I had the emotional scarring of many Vietnam Veterans he saw (because even though I never saw an actual “Battlefield” the extensive beating and threats as a “Teenager” has a greater impact on one’s brain, say compared to being an adult).

Anyway – where was I? Yes, I suffered from heavy emotional problems and as I got better and healthier mentally, my confidence naturally rose.  You probably know where this story is going!  As I got better, I started speaking my own voice and preferences and guess what happened – this disrupted the precedent and order of things and the group started getting irritated with me.  I remember two of the ring leaders, Ben & Tim were putting a lot of pressure on me to “Conform” with the expectations and we started fighting.  Then, while I was busy working away – they turned most of the group against me and I was vilified!

Even though it sounds laughable in hindsight compared to what I am sure you are (and me too) dealing with our lives right now, it was actually quite a painful experience that created a range of Social Problems for me later.  As I was working through Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dealing with my Alcoholism (which is quite normal for people with PTSD).  I also destroyed many great relationships which was completely my fault in fear of getting close to anyone again.

Ben, Tim and the Group really did hurt me in a quite a few ways and in moving on in life – the irony was that a few of them tried adding me on Facebook a few years ago.  It was like “Everything” is just great and nothing happened and they wanted to be buddies.  I even spoke to Ben for a short time, then decided to move on from them. Although I don’t wish any harm to them – certainly didn’t want to connect with them based on what they did to me.

The big thing I have been learning and reflecting on has been “Learning to Trust” again. I have been working with a few clients who have had people abandon them. Be it to relationships breaking down, friends moving on and then feeling paranoid and not being able to get close to anyone again.  In fact, even I have a bit of a guard up when it comes to getting “Too Close” to people.  A certain good friend (you know how I am talking about) has cracked my facade a bit and certainly started helping me in learning to trust again and that sort of thing (this is not a clue “Kenny Juo”).

One thing this has got me reflecting on is that I have some fantastic friends these days.  I do certainly take them for granted sometimes and I am well aware of that weakness of mine and doing my best to really acknowledge and look after them.  I am starting to realize later in life that Real Friends put up with your upsides and downsides!  Yes, you may have fights with people – but you all kiss and make up and move on which is what it’s all about.

So thanks for reading this Post / Diary Entry! I am very happy with the friends I have made these days and lucky to have them around.  Those mean people from my Teen Years – Peehhh! I look forward to ignoring their Facebook Requests in future!

If you are going through a breakup, or a bunch of friends have dumped you – I feel for you! If you are “Alone in the Dark”, like I used to be, please don’t be too lonely.  Have a good giving heart and you will find some great people who return the love & respect you give.

Thanks again for the read and appreciated! I will have to write more articles about the pain of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – it hurts!

Up Yours Society: Stop Trying to Control Me!

"Society" Just loves to keep a Tight Grip on Us?

"Society" Just loves to keep a Tight Grip on Us?

Without sounding like a “Conspiracy Theorist” crackpot – Society really does a great job of making us Conform and Brainwashing Us.

This happens for not only sinister intent, but for very very good reasons as well! Right from when we are a child and our parents (who are doing their best) are telling us what we are good at and what we aren’t good at, to the School Yard Evil Bully who is trying to hurt us, right through to Peer Group Pressure and then having to “Conform” in the Corporate Space – Society really doesn’t like us?

No that isn’t true. It is not that society doesn’t “Like Us”, it wants us to behave a certain way.

Now, there nothing wrong with following the Crowd! Seriously – I do mean that!

Where following the Crowd becomes a “Big Issue / Problem” is that if the Market Rewards you for being unique and you are trained to “Fit In” – then you are complete toast. All too many people I have worked with start out really “Shy & Sheepish” and until they really get through all the Conditioning / Brainwashing from Society, they really don’t get results and attract the Clients they deserve!

But if you are in your Own Business or in a Leadership Position where you have to really “Be Unique” and “Market Yourself” – following the crowd is a big problem!

So here is the big, big problem – after 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100, 110+ years you have been around, how do we all of a sudden “Undo” all that Brainwashing and get over it fast?

The truth is that you can’t. Think about it. You have all these stupid “Positive Thinking” extremists out there who always make out how change is soooo easy (especially when you “Buy” their Products – which they really don’t need you too, because their millionaires right?)

However, through being aware of it and making the gradual transition you can really breakthrough all the boundaries and limitations that society has placed on you and start acting uniquely, getting it across to the market – and benefiting from Higher Priced Services / Offerings as well as an increase in your Client / Customer Base.

In myself, my colleagues and my clients – I have seen a range of key “Self-Limiting” beliefs, which you can really thank “Society” for.

Remember always, 50% of the Journey is awareness. The top 10 dis-empowering lies I have seen include:

1. There is Something Wrong with me.

2. I don’t have what it takes.

3. I am not Pretty / Attractive enough.

4. People just don’t like me.

5. I don’t deserve this because God / Jesus / Allah / Moses / “The Universe” don’t want me too.

6. If I gain something, I will lose something somewhere else.

7. My Husband / Wife / Boy Friend / Girl Friend / Gay Lover / Mistress won’t let me.

8. Because my life sucks because of someone else.

9. Because I am “Happy where I am” (Liar!).

10. I am not intelligent enough to get it done.

And you know what? These are all lies. Depending on how “Conditioned” we are, some of our “Lies” can be very easy to identify – but some can really sit in our subconscious mind and totally FIRE TRUCK up our lives.

So my advice? Let’s start by telling all those people that pushed us around to FIRE TRUCK themselves, and go and get FIRE TRUCKED.

If you were anything like me or many people I know and work with – one day (if not already), you will get sick of this and say “I’m done”.

In fact, what did it for me was being in a relationship with a Woman for many years that who wasn’t inherently evil or anything – but really had a sullen view of themselves and their world. She used to always kill my dreams, put me down – and because of some of the reasons in Part 1) – I really didn’t like myself and therefore convinced myself I deserve her. Was it all her fault? Probably 50 / 50 – but in a way I am grateful for that experience. It pushed me beyond and made me sick of trying to “Fit In”.

So that is my story and what is yours? How does it relate? What have people down to you? What have you done to yourself? I don’t know your own personal circumstances or problems; however I have got some general tips developed from the hundreds of people I have worked with over the years:

1. Cut the Lies – Stop telling yourself all the negative stuff. By all means if you do something wrong tell yourself negative stuff, but if you are doing your best and you are just being “Negative” to yourself for no reason – stop it now. It’s Society talking!

2. Respect Yourself – This is not about “Being Arrogant” or putting others down. It’s about having a realistic and “Good-Natured” appreciation of you. After all, don’t appreciate or have any respect for yourself – you reckon anyone else will?

3. Fight the Good Fight – Don’t let those Positive Thinking Extremists lie to you! The minute you plan your “Flag” and say this is me; people are going to attack you! This is called anything from “Tall-Poppy Syndrome” right through to “Conformism”. It’s all good to say “Be Your Own Person”, but there are many out there that don’t want that. Watch out – they will come for you so be prepared!

4. Balance “Positive & Negative” Thinking – Don’t do what I did and “Pretend” the world is a safe, happy place where everything is full of rainbows, sunshine and wheelbarrows of money arriving at your door step. The world is full of great people as well as thieves, murderers, liars and people who use Apple Mac’s (PC is better!).

5. Protect Others – Doing your own thing is a tough journey and in the process, people will like what you are doing and you will inspire them to do the same thing (in fact, a lot come and join you!). It is hard starting out, so make sure you help your fellow man!

6. Treat Yourself Well – This doesn’t mean buying an Expensive Car with your Credit Card or eating 1.2kg of Cadbury Chocolate. This means “Appropriately” looking after you with Healthy Food, Relationships and “Non-Destructive” activities.

7. Cut the Addictions – Food, Drugs, Sex, Pornography, Drama, TV, Internet, Smoking etc. Addictions are easy to pick up, so if you have some addictions start working on them. Going “Cold Turkey” is easy for some, hard for others. Remember, you may have to quit something 10 times, until the 11th you really knock it for good!

8. Develop a Plan – Just “Being Yourself” is vague. Make sure you really think through why you want it and what you big goal is. Lose some weight? Look after your family? Make some more bucks?

9. Be “Intelligent” – God & Jesus Christ gave you a brain. Don’t be a “Positive Thinking” wacko and stuff things up. Use your brain and make intelligent moves.

10. Start – Talking about it never works. Start the process. Tell you stupid Boyfriend / Girlfriend to go away, put down the fork – start taking vitamins, work harder – just do something to get you going the right way!

This process isn’t easy – but the sooner you start the better. I wasted at least 15 years of my life being sucked into “Societal Brainwashing”. It’s hard getting out of it – but once you start too, you will never look back!

I wish I learnt this one 20 years ago! 🙂